How to Send a First Message That Actually Gets a Reply

Starting a conversation online can feel awkward. You want to make a great impression, but you also don’t want to come off as boring, desperate, or too intense. The good news? There’s a way to message someone that makes them actually want to respond.

Too many people start with a basic “Hey” or “What’s up?”—but these messages get ignored all the time. Why? Because they don’t give the other person anything to work with. If you want to start a real conversation, you need to do better.

1. Show You Actually Read Their Profile
If you want to stand out, mention something specific about them. This makes your message feel personal and shows effort.

“I see you love hiking! What’s the best trail you’ve ever been on?”
“You mentioned you’re a coffee addict—what’s your go-to order?”
A message like this makes the other person feel seen, and that’s powerful.

2. Ask an Easy, Fun Question
People are more likely to respond when they don’t have to think too hard. Instead of “Tell me about yourself,” try something more engaging:

“If you could teleport anywhere right now, where would you go?”
“What’s one weird food combination you secretly love?”
Questions like these invite a fun conversation without feeling like an interview.

3. Keep It Light and Playful
Flirting is all about making someone smile. A little humor can go a long way:

“So, do we tell people we met here, or should we make up a cooler story?”
Messages like this feel casual and fun, making it easy to keep the conversation going.

The Takeaway
A great first message is personal, engaging, and easy to respond to. Skip the boring one-liners and start with something that sparks real conversation. If you put in just a little effort, you’ll be surprised how many more replies you get.