Are You Chasing the Wrong Type? How to Rethink Your Preferences

We all have a “type”—or at least, we think we do. Maybe you’re drawn to a certain look, personality, or lifestyle. But if your relationships keep ending the same way, it’s worth asking: Am I choosing the wrong kind of person for what I actually need?

Attraction is important, but real compatibility goes deeper. Here’s how to rethink your dating preferences and start making choices that lead to lasting connections.

1. Are You Choosing Familiarity Over Compatibility?
A surprising number of people fall into patterns of dating the same kind of person, even when it hasn’t worked before.

If you always go for emotionally unavailable partners, you might be repeating old relationship dynamics.
If your type is “mysterious and hard to read,” consider whether you’re drawn to the chase rather than emotional security.
If you prioritize looks over personality, ask yourself if past relationships lacked deeper emotional connection.
It’s easy to mistake familiarity for attraction—but just because something feels comfortable doesn’t mean it’s good for you.

2. The “Chemistry Trap” – Does It Always Lead Somewhere?
Instant attraction feels exciting, but it doesn’t always mean long-term potential. Sometimes, intense chemistry is mistaken for compatibility.

Ask yourself:
✔ Do my relationships often burn bright and then fizzle fast?
✔ Am I drawn to drama or unpredictability in dating?
✔ Have I overlooked red flags because of strong initial attraction?

Real chemistry isn’t just about physical attraction—it’s about emotional connection, trust, and shared values.

3. Are Your Dealbreakers Helping or Hurting You?
Having standards is great. Having overly rigid preferences can be limiting.

Do you focus on superficial traits like height, career, or lifestyle while ignoring emotional intelligence?
Are you rejecting great potential matches because they don’t fit a specific “ideal” on paper?
Have you ever been surprised by liking someone outside of your usual type?
Instead of narrowing your search, ask yourself what truly matters for a lasting relationship.

4. Look for Patterns in Your Past Relationships
Take an honest look at your dating history. Are there repeating themes in how relationships start and end?

Did you feel emotionally secure, or were you always questioning where you stood?
Were your partners supportive of your growth, or did they make you feel small?
Did your relationships feel balanced, or were you always the one putting in more effort?
If you keep running into the same frustrations, it’s a sign you may need to rethink what you’re prioritizing.

5. Expand Your Idea of Who Might Be Right for You
Great relationships often come from unexpected places. The right person for you may not be who you imagined—but they will make you feel valued, secure, and excited for the future.

Instead of asking, Do they check all my boxes? try asking:
✔ Do I feel emotionally safe with this person?
✔ Do they bring out the best in me?
✔ Do I enjoy being around them, even without effort or excitement?

Final Thought: What Really Matters in a Partner?
Attraction is important, but the foundation of a strong relationship is trust, shared values, and emotional connection.

If your “type” has led to repeated heartbreak, it might be time to redefine what truly matters. The best relationship isn’t about finding someone who looks perfect on paper—it’s about finding someone who feels right in real life.