Science Says This Is the Best Way to Start a Dating App Conversation

You’ve matched with someone interesting—now comes the tricky part: what do you say? A simple “Hey” isn’t likely to get a response, but going overboard with a long-winded message can feel overwhelming.

Fortunately, research in psychology and online behavior provides clear insights into what actually works when starting a conversation on a dating app. Here’s what science says about crafting an opener that increases your chances of getting a reply.

1. Personalization Increases Response Rates
A study from OkCupid found that messages referencing something specific from the person’s profile significantly improve response rates. Generic greetings don’t create engagement, but a well-placed question or comment about an interest does.

✔ Instead of: “Hey, how’s your day?”
✔ Try: “I see you love hiking—what’s the best trail you’ve ever been on?”

People respond when they feel seen and valued rather than treated like just another match.

2. Open-Ended Questions Spark Engagement
Researchers have found that open-ended questions (ones that require more than a yes/no answer) make conversations flow better. They encourage the other person to share something meaningful and keep the conversation moving.

✔ Instead of: “Do you like traveling?”
✔ Try: “What’s your favorite place you’ve ever visited?”

This approach invites storytelling rather than shutting the conversation down too quickly.

3. A Dash of Humor Goes a Long Way
A 2020 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that humor increases attraction and engagement in dating interactions. Playful messages make you more memorable and set a lighthearted tone for the conversation.

✔ Instead of: “Hi, nice to meet you!”
✔ Try: “Serious question—pineapple on pizza: yes or no?”

The goal isn’t to force jokes but to make the conversation feel fun and natural.

4. Keep It Short (But Not Too Short)
Psychologists studying digital interactions found that messages with medium length (one to two sentences) get the best response rates.

Too short: “Hey.” → Feels lazy.
Too long: “Hi! I see you love dogs. I have a golden retriever named Max who’s two years old, and he loves the beach. Do you have any pets? Also, where are you from originally?” → Overwhelming.
Just right: “I see you’re a dog lover—what’s the funniest thing your pet has ever done?”
The right balance gives enough to engage without overwhelming.

5. Timing Matters More Than You Think
Data shows that sending a message within 24 hours of matching increases response rates. People lose interest quickly in fast-moving dating apps, so waiting too long to reach out can make your match forget or move on.

Final Thought: A Strong Opener Sets the Tone
The best dating app conversations don’t start with a cliché—they start with genuine curiosity, a touch of humor, and a message that makes the other person excited to respond.

So the next time you match with someone interesting, skip the “Hey” and start with something worth replying to. Science is on your side.